Monday, June 10, 2013

Running Away

My children are running away. Literally and figuratively. Lincoln "escaped" twice today. He unlocked the back door and took off, laughing all the way. I was left feeling scared, frustrated and embarrassed that a two year old could do such a thing right under my nose. And how far he got before I even realized he was gone was even worse. And then I start to think about what could have happened...

I suspect this will not be the last time I feel this way about my children.

I realize more each day how fast they are growing and becoming their own humans with their own wills, decisions and consequences to face. I begin wondering if I am prepared for the consequences of how well or not we have prepared them for all of this.

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Self-Consciousness & Satisfaction

We moved just about a month ago. New house, new (long) commute for the time being, and hopefully new friends. I love change. My oldest, Timmy, 5 years old, does not. He is naturally anxious and shy and extremely self-conscious.

I remember being his age, in kindergarten, and realizing for the first time that I have transparent skin. I'm really white. And through this transparent skin you can see my veins and blood vessels pretty clearly. I remember being indian-style (I think the PC way to say that these days is criss-cross applesauce) on the alphabet rug in Ms. Langer's classroom one day and sitting on my hands so that no one would notice how blotchy my skin was. I thought I looked like an alien and that I would have no friends because of it. As if all the sudden there was a spotlight on my skin and I would instantly be shunned. For life. It was a big deal.

All of that to say, I get it. I get what Timmy feels. (Hopefully he never notices his skin because he is more pale than me!) So last night when I was taking him to his very first baseball skills class at the park district in our new area, I was praying that it would be a successful endeavor for him. I was praying for one new friend for him. I was praying he wouldn't cross his arms, turn his back and scream in the coach's face the way he had done as a four year old at his first (and last) karate class.

God answered my prayers. What followed was a hour of him smiling at me on the side lines, giving countless thumbs ups, and a new found love of baseball. He made three new friends. He came in second place in the base running elimination activity. He gave kids high fives on the way out. Prayers answered. Thank you Jesus.

There is nothing like seeing joy and satisfaction on the face of your kid. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Time to Uproot...Almost

So if you read my last post (which I know some of you did because I got all kinds of texts and emails asking what was going on, thanks for that :) you know we're about to transition to something new. I'm excited. We finally got through the annoying time of indecision. We're building a house and moving in the spring!

Scott and I have a running list of things we want in our Someday House that we consulted at during this process. This list is pretty unexciting, not luxurious and includes things like: lights in the closets, no cracks in the wall, a red tree in the front yard and a garbage disposal. It also included some ridiculous things such as purple spray-in insulation like Mike Holmes from Holmes on Homes always uses when he fixes houses because its awesome. Pretty sure our house will not have purple spray-in insulation. We asked. They said no. Overall, about 80% of our list got checked off in this new house, which if I'm honest is more than I was expecting. I also have a Pinterest board of things I might want in my Someday House that you can check out here: Someday House.

This whole process still seems a bit surreal and I feel as if any minute I will get an email or phone call that puts a stop to it all. Its been a fun process so far, in which we've learned a lot. Twice people we've dealt with have said, "No one has ever asked that before."

What we've learned so far: No purple insulation. We ask weird questions. And yes I can have a tree that turns red in the fall in my front yard. Awesome.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Living with Dissonance

If you know Scott and I you know we are not ones to shy away from change. In fact, I would say we thrive on it. In the course of our marriage we've moved six times in nine years. I love the process of packing and unpacking and everything that goes along with new spaces and new places. We've been in the same place now for over a year and a half. When we moved here we knew this was temporary and recent events have now given us a deadline to get out. Exciting right?

I thought it would be. Just about two months ago I told Scott I was ready for something to change. Life was too predictable and I was discontent with its temporary condition. Now that the time has come to make a decision on where to go next I'm feeling overwhelmed. Something has happened to me now that Timmy is growing up and becoming more than just a small child that I can lug around with us on all of our adventures. He doesn't like change. He has an opinion. He has a lot of fears. He's five. All the sudden I have base our plans on his life too and its not as durable as mine.

Every couple of months Scott and I revisit an ongoing conversation about what we want. This usually includes discussion of a running list of places that we don't want to live (that list is shorter than the list of the places we'd like to live). Recently this conversation has begun to include us both acknowledging strong feelings of dissonance between wanting to live all over the world and wanting to buy a nice house where our kids can grow in a stable environment and make life long friends and memories. I don't know which dream is going to win yet. Maybe one will win for this season of life, but I don't want to lose the wanderlust.

...a time to plant and a time to uproot. Ecclesiastes 3:2

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Instagram Nostalgia

I've been listening to too much country music lately and its making me all weepy for these days of my kiddos being so innocent. Trying to hold on to them is silly, but capturing some of the little moments is satisfying.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Best Behavior

Timmy is a classic case of he's on his best behavior with everyone else, but when he comes home all bets are off. He can turn from having a perfect day at Grandma's or school or daycare to total meltdown as soon as he sees my face or steps in the house. Everyone assures me that this is totally normal because kids naturally know that their parents will love them no matter what. I'm sure there is truth to this, but it doesn't make dealing with those meltdowns any easier.

I read an article here that convicted me about my own behavior as a mom and got me thinking about this idea of who gets the best me. Sometimes I think I do the same thing my kids do: act great at work and in public, but the second we get home, I meltdown. I yell at my kids, lose patience and generally am a jerk to them and probably my husband too. I know my kids will love me no matter what, so I feel free do do whatever I want when they are the only ones watching. This week I've been thinking a lot about how I should act & what kind of example I should set for them. After all, they are way more important to me than my coworkers and complete strangers.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Borrowed Time

These days are flying by and lumbering along all at the same time. I can't believe Lincoln is one already and Timmy "graduates" from preschool next week. And yet I can't wait until these boys of mine are old enough to bring me a coke from the fridge instead of me waiting on them with an endless supply of milk, apple juice, goldfish crackers & clean diapers. I can't wait to go hiking with them and not have to carry anyone or listen to complaints of being tired after ten minutes. And then I go back to how sweet and cute they are right now and don't want them to ever change. Lincoln's smiles are contagious and you just want to squeeze him. Timmy's cards on Mother's day were priceless. "My mommy is 15 years old. I like it when she wears her hair down, it looks best that way. My mommy is so smart, she knows a lot about dinosaurs." The cards were accompanied by coupons for free hugs, kisses and arm tickles. I didn't know an arm tickle was a thing to be coveted, but it turns out I can't get enough of them.

I'm so thankful to have a job that lets me make my own hours (within reason) and work from home when I need to and take unpaid sick days to my heart's content (oh how I wish I didn't need to take any of them!). I am thankful that I get to do work that I enjoy and find fulfilling and challenging. I get to meet great people, encourage and support church planting leaders and even do some art and get paid for it! But at least once a week I feel like I'm borrowing time from someone. Whether that be sneaking out to Target at 9pm to grocery shop in peace or going to the dentist when I would usually be working because its the only time I can find to get there without kids. I try really hard not to steal time from the kids, but there are days when work won't wait until tomorrow and I have to stick around. I wonder if this will ever change, but for now I'm grateful for being able to exist in both worlds.

I have been encouraged by the wise and honest words of Bethany at as she balances life as a working mom.

Lincoln's 1st Birthday